Category Archives: Relationships

Why are there more breakups around the Holidays?

Psychological studies indicate 80% of Americans are stressed during the holidays to the point that according to a recent study one in five will inquire about divorce in January.  In addition, those with children have higher rates of stress.  Stress has a negative influence even on the most loving relationships.

 

There is “guilt” factor added in the time where it is suppose to be about celebration and joy.

 

A major cause of stress is drastic change in daily patterns due to over-indulgence; in buying, eating and drinking.

 

Psychological research indicates that “normal daily routines” and “rituals” are important to our family and health.  Rituals are defined as holidays and are important for the family structure.

 

Why does this occur during the holiday season?

 

Stress is in all areas of our life, relationships and financial situations are the prime factors. We are conducting our normal life schedule of work and family with the added stress of giving and providing more at the holiday season.

 

Psychological studies indicate that perfectionism is related more to anxiety than depression.  Perfectionism may lead to anxiety due to a fear of failure and the attainment of high standards.  At the holidays, we are dealing with normal daily routines coupled with an additional responsibilities and “guilt” of reaching the goals of making the holidays “perfect” for our family and friends.

Men with attractive wives report higher levels of marital satisfaction, new study finds

This study comes as no surprise.

 

It confirms the evolutionary theory of sex gender based on the survival of all species in the reproductive system.  The concept of sexual selection is that all species, humans included, will reproduce to continue their species.

 

Ancient man, in order to have his choice of available females needed to have superior hunting skills.  Women of that same era looked for a man who would allow her the resources to carry her child to term and support the child to maturity.

 

Therefore, the concept of attractive wives is part of the evolutionary theory into our current generation.  Today, men still seek the attractive female.   Vying for and winning the hand of an attractive wife translates into a happier marriage.

 

This is further supported by the social role theory that relates to the division of labor between men and women.  Our need for basic survival, as a family unit, has changed.  Modern women can get jobs and support themselves and their young without a man.

 

Today’s women can have it all.  They can have a career, marriage and/or children.

 

Yet, women still want a man who can provide and protect them.  Women continue to want to attract a male provider, even when she can provide for herself.

 

Today, we have added psychological variables to the basic survival instincts of procreation.

 

Women continue to compete for the attention of men.  It is still a prime driver for women to find a suitable mate, conceive and have children.

 

Just remember attraction is in the eye of the beholder.

Sex on Campus: She Can Play that Game, Too

I was taught not to talk to strangers, now we have girls having sex with strangers.

First let me give you the facts of a study I conducted with executive women in Fortune 100 and 500 companies in a variety of industries. The topic of my doctoral dissertation was “Perspectives of Executive Women: Life Choices and Balancing Career with Marriage and Children”.

The women, I interviewed were in their 40s – 60s because it takes a 8-10 years for any junior executive, male or female, to gain the experience to move up the corporate ladder to earn a top executive position.

These executive women did it all.  They were married and had their first child in their 20’s, the majority having 2 -3 children.  Most remained married to their first husband.  Their husbands helped them with the children, jointly addressing scheduling priorities while pursuing their individual careers.

The women handled career, marriage and children by employing prioritization, time management skills and being the best employee, the best mother and the best wife, they could be.

Relationships are important and we learn to experiment and learn to build them in college, while studying, learning and developing skill sets for our future careers.

In a male dominated society women have always been a mystery.

We like it that way.

It is that irresistible allure that we, as women, have developed and perpetuated for millennia. That mystery has always helped us to level the social/sexual playing field, solidifying our place of power in society.

What is the long-term benefit for women when they engage in unemotional sex?  Women are, by nature, nurturers, enjoy being pursued and who control how men treat them.

Virtue is important and is what we should be teaching our daughters.  To get respect you must earn respect, in relationships and at work with your male co-workers.

Our relationship with men is the means by which we enhance our esteem, our confidence by which, along with our intellect and skills, we achieve our success.

Women need not only sex but also love and romance.  We want to be the only woman in our man’s life.  We want a man that loves and adores us as we love and adore him.

We can have it all!

 

Psychological aspects of a prolonged recession resulting in job loss and loss of esteem

As a Psychologist, I am concerned with the current number of workers dropping out of the work force, giving up hope of finding a job, becoming discouraged and failing to seek training to obtain the skills for a job position that will provide them with a job future.

Psychological studies indicate a link between unemployment and increase in mental health issues.

The 1938 studies in the Great Recession, the 1957 studies of the Middle Recession and the most recent studies of the Modern Recession focus on the mental health issues of the unemployed. They targeted on those who were out of work for more than 2 years.

All studies indicated that there was an increase in depression.

Breadwinners, usually men, were torn from their traditional roles as providers, while other family members were forced into non-traditional roles to provide the income for the family to survive.

First, in a well-functioning family, everyone sacrifices to weather the bad times, assuming that the primary breadwinner will again be employed in a relatively short period of time.

The problem arises when joblessness is extended for a long period of time. It can cause increasing stress on interpersonal relationships and may result in a breakdown in traditional roles and the fabric of the family.

Differences in men and their response to this situation

The tradition family role is for men to be the breadwinner. They always assumed they would be able to provide for their wife and children.  It is their responsibility and duty to do so.

When the man is one of the long-term unemployed, women’s option to stay at home and raise the children is no longer an option. They must seek employment, changing the dynamics of the traditional family, causing tension from unrealized expectations and unusual sacrifices.

As mentioned, long-term unemployment and the egocentric loss of family position as “breadwinner” can result in depression.

The depression can be so severe that the tasks of performing domestic chores, house work, cooking, laundry and dropping off and picking up the children at school and their activities to help out the family is beyond them.

The entire family fabric may become completely unraveled, when the woman begins to ask herself, “If my husband can’t contribute to the family finances, why do I need him?”

What to do?

Anyone out of work for extended periods of time is susceptible to bouts of mild to severe depression.

Spouses and family members need to realize the signs of depression, i.e. unusual sleep patterns, lack of energy, alcohol abuse and other forms of aggressive behavior.

Spouses and family members need to realize the signs of depression, i.e. unusual sleep patterns, lack of energy, alcohol abuse and other forms of aggressive behavior.

    • Spouses and family members need to realize the signs of depression, i.e. unusual sleep patterns, lack of energy, alcohol abuse and other forms of aggressive behavior.
    • The family members must encourage their spouse to get a full physical and seek the help of a psychologist to focus on specific coping skills. It may take a combination of a pharmaceutical and therapeutic approach to properly address depression.
    • Convince and support the spouse to enter training programs and develop the skills necessary to work in growth industries that offer opportunity for employment.
    • To have the entire family agree, if necessary, to relocate to states that have low unemployment rates.To have the entire family realize the value of keeping the traditional family intact.

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Mother’s Day: 10 ways to Connect and Grow Closer to your Mom

Mothers and daughters have a unique relationship bonding over the years.  As teenagers, we attempt to be different. Then we become adults and realize we are raising our daughters.  It gives us a greater appreciation for mom.

As women, we own “guilt” It is passed down from generation to generation by our mothers!

Mothers teach their daughters how to become women and the value of virtue in their lives.

Do something special with your mom, as we honor them Mother’s Day.

  • Find a picture of you and your mom and frame it for her on Mother’s Day.
  • Take her shopping.  Take her advice on an outfit and wear it, just for her, on Mother’s Day!  She will remember.
  • Ask her to tell you about her mother and when she was growing up and let her share the memories and pictures!
  • Let her share, pictures of you, yes, even the ones you want to hide.
  • Ask her advice and listen to it, even if you have already decided what you are going to do.
  • Let her do something special for you and then remember it and do the same for her on Mothers’ Day!
  • Prepare dinner in her house that’s her domain.
  • Spend the afternoon with her with no interruptions; turn off the cell phone. This also means no reading, watching TV or looking at magazines. Just spend quality time with her!
  • Invite, her mother, her sisters, her friends to spend an afternoon getting to know them – just the girls.
  • And last, yet most importantly, hug her, kiss her and tell her you love her!